any suggestions for names, plot lines etc drop it in my ask x

oh wow you have no idea how much that means to me :) I’d love to start writing straight away but I’m going on a camp for eight weeks without tumblr so yeah :/ I might write several stories while I’m away then post them all when i get back haha ;) xx

19 Years Later

Dear Lily,  

I’m writing to you because it’s Christmas again, already. The years gone so fast, I still remember sitting down here to write your letter last year like it was yesterday. We’ve just come home from the family dinner, Me and Julie cooked since dad can’t. He’s struggling without mum, He puts on a brave face but I can tell he misses her.

The kids are great. Lily’s just turned 13, Liam’s almost 9. They both love their school, Lily’s in the choir, she got her voice from her dad luckily. She got his eyes too, Liam looks more like me. I wish you could have been around to meet them Lils, it hurts knowing my daughter will grow up never meeting her namesake. At least Liam knows his, he loves his uncle Liam. I had my doubts about Lou and Liam, all the things that happened right before you died, all the things I never got to talk to you about, I wasn’t sure they’d ever be friends again. But I remember the day we got off the plane returning home from your funeral. Liam and the rest of the boys had come to pick us up. Louis ran to Liam and hugged him. He just forgave him for everything, simple as that. I think it was because of you. Lou had seen how easy it was to lose someone you love and knew he had to make good with Liam.

I still remember your funeral. It was such a beautiful service, you would have liked it, everything reminded me of you. Harry was a mess. He cried the whole time, as did everyone else, after the funeral he didn’t speak to anyone for two days. I think he was scared if he spoke he’d just begin to cry again. He really loved you Lily, I wish every day that you would have known that and stayed in this world not only for me but for him. I suppose you drifted though, I know for a fact he’s never stopped thinking about you, even now that he’s married. Speaking of which, It was his and Ella’s 5^th anniversary last week. They invited everyone over for lunch to celebrate, the kids came. I think Lily has a thing for his son, Toby, he’s a lovely boy, Looks exactly like his father. They’ve grown up together, it was inevitably going to happen one day.

It still amazes me how close all the boys are still, years after they ended the band. We all have family dinner every Sunday (as I’ve told you before), Me and Louis’ family, Harry and Ella’s, Niall and Mel, Liam and Danielle and Zayn and Marcus. That’s a new thing too, Zayn came out. Took him long enough right? Everyone had kind of known for a while but we just gave him time to come to terms with it himself. Marcus is nice guy, he’s pretty fit. I couldn’t be happier for Zayn, and everyone else for that matter. We’ve all matured so much since when you knew us Lily, I wish you could grow old with us as well.

Julie’s doing well. Her and Edgar got divorced in July. She was a wreck. She walked in on him in bed with his art director. Since he owned their house, she had no where to go. Lou and I gladly let her stay with us for as long as she needed, repaying her for letting me stay with her all those years ago. She got custody of Annabelle which they were both over the moon about. Lily was please to have Annabelle in the house for a while aswell, those two  are quite close, Lily really looks up to her.

So much has changed Lily. I think about you and miss you every single day. Every night I lie awake for a while and think about what things would be like if you were still around. Sometimes Harry and I go places alone together and just talk about you. We smile and laugh at the memories. We didn’t know you when you were down. I think that was for the best in the long run. When I think about you I remember the young bubbly Lily who smiled and laughed all the time. You were so young and so beautiful, so full of hope. When dad thinks about you, he has the constant pain of remembering your last few days. After mum passed away he didn’t speak to any of us for a while. They really were like two halves of a whole, one couldn’t do without the other. I didn’t cry too much at mums funeral, I knew that she’d be with you, and neither of you would be lonely anymore. Dad couldn’t see it that way. Julie and I did our best to help him but he pushed us away. Everything ok now though. At least as ok as it will ever be, we don’t know how long dad will be around but we value his company while he is.

I miss you Lily. I miss my little sister.

 Lot’s of love,

Isa

 Sorry I needed to post this again to put it in the index

Lily’s POV

“Thanks for doing this with me Declan” I said

“It’s ok, I’m just glad to find someone else who wanted too” He replied. Declan was a boy I’d met in my therapists waiting room. After Isabel told mum she was worried about me, mum saw my scars and I’d been getting ‘help’ ever since. The therapist was shit, if anything it had made things worse, but I’d met Declan through him. That was the silver lining. Declan was from New York, his family had forced him to move to this shithole as well. He had depression too, and anger management and anorexia. I was pleased to meet someone more fucked up than me. We hung out a lot, my parents were cool with it because my therapist said he was ‘a nice boy’. We mainly sat on my roof and smoked together. He wasn’t very attractive, or unattractive for that matter. He was mediocre and I liked it. He hand blond curly hair that went down to his shoulders, squinty blue eyes and a crooked nose (It had been broken twice). Today we were standing on the top of the tallest building in the high school we both went to. We’d been talking about this day for weeks now. We were both going to jump. An hour earlier we’d been doing straight vodka shots in Declan’s bedroom. His parents were workaholics and never home. We had slept together; he didn’t want to die a virgin. The cold wind whipped my face; I could feel goose bumps rise on my exposed arms. I’d decided against wearing a sweater, I wanted everyone to see the scars that covered my corpse.

“Should we do it then?” He asked. I nodded as he took my hand and we stood on the edge. It was 2pm on a Sunday, there was nobody around.

“This is for the people in the dark, the death cats, the masturbators, the outcasts who have no voice, no way of saying I hate this world, my father’s a faggot, fuck you, fuck authority - I want an orgasm!” Declan screamed. We’d both spent a lot of time thinking about our last words, I admired his choice.

“You’re impossible to resist, I wouldn’t bet my heart on it. It’s like I’m finally awake, and you’re just a beautiful mistake.” I said holding back tears. I couldn’t cry now. I had to be strong; there was nothing in this world for me any longer. I looked at Declan and we both took a step forward. The cool air was the last thing I ever felt on my face as I fell gracefully to death.

Isabel’s POV

I woke up from my first night of sleeping alone in this bed. I had been very lonely but I suppose the privacy was nice. I couldn’t be bothered to get up so I grabbed my book and began to read. About half and hour later there was a loud knock on my door.

“Isa! Are you up?” I groaned loudly and harry burst through the door. I rolled over so my face was in my pillow.

“Time to get up lazy lump!” He said shrilly as he pulled the blankets off me and started tugging at my arm trying to pull me out of bed. I did my best to protest but eventually I gave in and stood up.

“Good now get dressed I’m taking you out for breakfast” He left the room closing the door behind him. I walked into the bathroom thinking I could easily be mistaken for a zombie. I hoped into the shower and let the water wake me up. I got out of the shower and dressed myself [x] then skipped downstairs where Harry was waiting for me in the kitchen. Niall and Zayn were sitting around the dining table with cups of tea discussing the current X-Factor results.

“Shall we go then?” Harry asked

“Sure” I grabbed my car keys and off we went. We made small talk for a while; Harry giving me directions to the place we were going. I couldn’t help notice he continually checked his watch

“Have to be somewhere do you?” I nudged him

“What? Oh no, I just like knowing the time” He lied very badly. I wondered what was going on.

“Take a left up here. You’re going to love this place, I go here to hide from fans.” We both giggled. I did love the café. It was really cute, the walls were painted pale orange and the tables were all little book cases. We placed our orders and sat down.

“Have you heard from your family lately?” Harry looked up at me

“No not for a while actually. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about though. Mum and dad are both busy at work and I’m sure Lily’s busy at cheerleading or something” we both giggled. Harry glanced at his watch again.

“Ok seriously, why’re you checking your watch all the time!?”

“Liam comes home today. I thought it’d be best for both of us if we weren’t there. Niall was leaving to go get him as soon as we left.” I had completely forgotten Liam was going to come home. I was glad Louis was in Doncaster now. “You should talk to him, sort things out. Before Lou comes home. He needs to know you don’t feel the same way as him and he needs to hear it from you Isa it’s the only way he’ll get the message.” His words echoed in my head for a while. I nodded in agreement and sipped at my tea. Once we’d both finished our drinks we got up and left. The drive home was silent too. I was too nervous about talking to Liam to produce words right now, I think Harry understood and didn’t try to start conversation. Once I’d parked the car harry got out and went inside. Niall’s car was here which meant Liam was inside. I took a deep breath then stepped out of the car trying to keep myself composed. I could here laughter inside. Niall, Liam and Zayn were all one the couch talking about the massive crowd of fans that had mobbed the hospital this morning. They all fell silent when they saw me. Liam stood up and I walked into the kitchen, he followed.

“Isa I am so, so sorry” He said. We stood on opposite sides of the counter.

“I know Liam. I’m sorry too. I don’t feel the same about you; I only have feelings for Louis. You need to understand that. What happened yesterday was really bad, I don’t want anything like that to happen again” I could see my words hurt him, but he needed to hear it.

“I understand.” He nodded and went back into the lounge room. We both knew we probably wouldn’t speak to each other for a while after that. Harry came into the kitchen.

“I heard it. It could have gone much worse Isa, you handled it nicely” I smiled at his kind words. His phone began to ring, he pulled it out of his pocket and silenced it, putting it back to where it was before looking back at me

“Who was that?” I asked trying not to be nosy.

“Ed” He replied. I didn’t know Ed, maybe he went to school with Harry back in Holmes Chapel

“Ed…?” I couldn’t understand why I was so interested

“Ed Sheeran, you may of heard of him” I was dumbstruck it hadn’t even occurred to me the boys would have met him let alone be friends with him. I loved his music. He was a really talented song writer.

“Oh that’s cool” I was hiding my hysteria behind a wall off calm. I walked upstairs to check my phone, it’d had been off for the past few days. My number had been leaked somehow and I had been waiting to get a new one. I was getting a lot of hate for dating louis, the girls that sent it would have been eating up me and Lou’s current situation. I wasn’t too phased by public opinion of my relationship. I wasn’t too phased by anyone’s opinion. When I turned my phone on I only had 19 missed calls. This was a surprisingly small amount. Things got stranger when I saw they were all from my mother. I pressed her number to call her and the door of my room burst open. Lou stood there, his eyes red and puffy. He’d been crying. He ran towards me and threw my phone on the bed. His body wrapped around mine and his head buried into my shoulder.

“I’m so so sorry Isa. I’m so sorry” was all he said. I didn’t understand why he was apologizing, I was the one that had kissed someone else. I didn’t know why he was back so soon either, Liam must have been freaking down stairs.

“What’re you talking about Lou?” I asked completely puzzled

“You haven’t heard?,” He picked up my phone and handed it to me, “You need to call your mother right now.” He sat me on the bed and squeezed my hand. I had no idea what the fuck was going on.

Technically that was the last chapter but there will be an epilogue soon don’t worry :) Thanks a lot xxx 

Hey anon, I’m going away for eight weeks on this school camp thing, I’ll write another one when I get back assuming I’m still into 1D. I go on sunday so until then I think I’ll write some one shots so let me know if you’re interested x

hahaha I don’t know about a movie :s Thank you! x

Thank you so much :) x

 THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY QUITE LONG, IT ISN’T THE LAST THOUGH. THERE WILL BE A EPILOGUE/REALLY SHORT LAST CHAPTER AFTER THIS I PROMISE 

“Hello? Isa?”

“Mum? What’s going on?” Mum was crying. I could here sirens in the background

“Oh Isa, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this. Your fathers booked you and Louis a flight out tonight. I’m so sorry Isabel.” She sobbed. I could hear my dad in the background sobbing aswell.

“What’s wrong mum? Why’re there sirens?”

“Your sister. She jumped off the top of a building this afternoon.” Then everything went dark. I couldn’t hear the phone anymore. I couldn’t feel it in my hand. I couldn’t feel Lou’s arms around me and I couldn’t feel the bed underneath me. None of my senses worked without Lily.

“Isa? Isa?” I felt strong arms shaking me. My eyes opened and I saw Lou’s beautiful green eyes followed by the rest of his perfect facial features. I treasured the few seconds before I remembered why I had passed out. I stood up and tried to run away from here, from all of my problems but my legs couldn’t carry me. My knees buckled and Lou caught me. I screamed louder than I’d ever screamed before. I’d never felt pain like this before. Tears came out of my eyes like bullets from a gun, each one stang as it hit my cheek. Lou lay me down on the bed and crawled up next to me. I didn’t want to be here but I didn’t have the strength to move. I began to process what my mother had said. Dad had booked tickets to texas. We had to go. I shot up willing my legs to move. I reached the wardrobe and grabbed an over night bag shoving whatever I could see in it. Lou had stood up as well, he was crying.

“I need to go tell Harry” Fuck. Harry didn’t know. This would kill him. I knew he still had feelings for Lily.

“I’ll go with you” I reached out for his hands and I felt his arm around my waist. My vision wasn’t the best through the layer of tears and mascara covering my eyes. I didn’t intend to speak to Harry at the moment. I couldn’t be the one to tell him. Lou would do it, he was his best friend. He knew him so much better than me. Lou knocked on Harry’s bedroom door. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned into Louis. Harry opened the door and I felt Lou’s arm urge me forwards.

“Mate you better sit down” Lou started

“What’s up?” Harry replied

“I really don’t know how to tell you this.. Um I suppose I best just come out and say it. Lily committed suicide this morning.” There was a deafining silence. I heard a whimper out of Harry and the arm left my waist instantly. My eyes flew open, Harry was nuzzled into Louis chest, their arms around each other. This was too much for me. As the tears began to flow again I turned and ran back to my room. I searched the whole room for my laptop before opening it and buying another ticket for Harry. He needed to come to texas with us, this meant as much to him as it did to me and Lou. I threw my laptop off of the bed and climbed under the covers wishing all of my pain away.

“Isabel? You need to get up Love, the cars here to take us to the airport” Lou’s sweet voice woke me up. I put on a hoodie sunglasses and a scarf as did Lou and Harry, no one was in the mood to be seen today. I didn’t even bother checking how I looked in the mirror, it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing really did. The ride to the airport was completely silent apart from the sound of my sobs. Harry had seemed to get a hold of himself now, he stared straight out the window hardly blinking. My head rested on Lou’s shoulder and his head rested on mine with his arm around me. Had this been any other situation I’d have been enjoying myself. No one recognised us in the airport. We were in first class on the plain as well, each chair had it’s own little private booth. I was glad for this but scratched that when the air hostesses gave me and Lou continuing dirty looks for being in the same one. I couldn’t stand to be alone at the moment so me and Lou curled up in the one seat.

“How did you know?” I said once I’d finally stopped crying. Lou knew what I was talking about.

“Your mother called me. She was worried that you hadn’t answered your phone so she got my number off of Juliette.” Oh god. Juliette. I hadn’t even thought of her.

“Where’s Juliette? Why isn’t she on the flight?” I was frantic

“Shhshh, don’t worry, she was on the earlier flight, she’d almost be in Texas by now.” I hadn’t spoken to Juliette for what felt like years. I couldn’t let it be like that anymore. Family was too important now. I couldn’t remember the last time me and Lily had spoken, it was probably when I was in Texas for Christmas. I began to cry again. I’d just let my little sister slip away from me. The plane landed eventually and we hid our faces as we left the airport. Lou and Harry had never officially met my parents, I should have been nervous but at the moment I was too upset to care. The taxi pulled up to my family’s house after a twenty minute drive. I opened the door and ran to the house. The front door burst open and my mother ran towards me taking me into her arms. Tears streamed down my face and I gasped for air, I could feel my mothers tears landing on the top of my head like rain.

“I love you so so much Isabel. Don’t you ever forget that. You are so important to us” Mum said over and over between sobs. Louis and Harry were shaking hands with my dad and introducing themselves they then both gave Juliette a hug.  I left my mothers grasp and threw myself at my father who whispered comforting words into my ear. Juliette was the last in line.

“I’m so sorry Isabel, about everything” She said kindly

“It’s ok Julie I forgive you, I totally overreacted” We hugged and cried then eventually smiled at each other. We all walked inside arms around each other. The funeral was the next day so everyone just sat in the Lounge room and drank tea talking about anything but Lily. After an hour or two mum pulled me aside.
“I know this is hard on you, but I think you should go to where it happened. Just for some closure, the cemetries on the way home you could have a look where she’s going to be buried. It’s a beautiful spot for a beautiful girl” She sighed as she looked at a picture of myself, Lily and Julie when we were younger sitting on the mantelpiece. I comforted my mother as she began to cry again. I led her into my fathers arms and then I went over to Lou.
“I’m going to go to the high school, did you want to come with me?” Lou nodded. Juliette said she would take Harry later, they’d stuck up an unlikely friendship. I suppose it was likely since Harry liked me and Lily so much. Lou took my hand and I lead him out the door, it was a short walk to the school but it seemed so much longer knowing what had happened there. It had snowed all last night according to my dad, it made the streets beautiful though. Everything was covered in a thin film of white. The highschool had police tape around it. We ducked under it figuring it wouldn’t matter since we’re family. No one was around, they must have had a day off or something. We strolled around for a while until we found the said building. I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I felt my legs getting weak. I held onto Louis for support. This was where my sister had taken her life. My fifteen year old sister had jumped off the top of this building. My tears hit the snow leaving small indents. Lou was sobbing. We couldn’t speak to each other, we just stood there attempting to deal with our overwhelming emotions.

“Excuse me?”

“We’re family, please let us stay!” I pleaded assuming it was police about to force us to leave

“I wasn’t going to ask you to leave miss, I was just going to say how much you looked like Lily.” It was an old man. He had a sad little face and big brown eyes, I could hardly see the lower part of his face because it was covered with a thick woollen scarf.
“Yeah um I’m her older sister,” I extended my hand taking a deep breath to compose myself, “Isabel, sir, nice to meet you” He took my hand and shook it

“I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’m Allen. I’m a professor here, Lily was in one of my classes, such a nice girl.” I smiled and nodded. “I saw her do it you know, it was a shocking thing. She and that declan boy, I assume she told you all about him, they must have been highly intoxicated. I saw them on the top of this building here, I yelled at them to get down but they didn’t here. Then the boy began to yell about death cats and rock and roll and then I heard Lily say ‘You’re impossible to resist, I wouldn’t bet my heart on it. It’s like I’m finally awake, and you’re just a beautiful mistake’ then they took each others hands and stepped off the edge. I couldn’t watch, I was the one to call the police. She was only wearing a tank top, the poor girl. I caught a glimpse of her arms, covered in wounds. She must have been troubled for a long time” He got a handkerchief out of his coat pocket and dabbed his eye. My heart ached. Her last words had been One Direction lyrics. Lyrics that Harry sang. I hoped Harry wouldn’t find this out, it would be too much for him.

“I’m so sorry Allen, that must have been a terrible thing for you to see” Louis finally said. We thanked him for the talk then went on our way. We were silent for a while but once we neared the cemetery Lou turned to me.

“Do you think she still loved him? Harry, I mean”

“I think so. She never liked your music, no offence; she would have only said that if she felt it with her heart. I feel so terrible Lou. What if I’d just gotten over myself and come to Texas with my family? She would have been happier, I could have helped her through everything. I can’t believe I didn’t even notice anything was wrong at Christmas! And then I had to be stupid enough to ask mum and dad to keep and eye on her! I knew she would get pissed at that, but sure therapy must have helped but no, she just meets this declan kid!” I was angry now. I kicked a stone on the side of the road. I couldn’t believe I’d had a part in my sister taking her own life. I hated myself for it.
“Isabel don’t be stupid! None of this is your fault, if she wanted your help she would have asked, she was a troubled soul, nothing you could have said or done would have saved her.” Lou said attempting to comfort me.

“You know what Lou, I think we should just go home, I don’t think I can see the grave sight right now.” He nodded and led the way home. Someone had lit a fire when we got home, everyone was sitting around it attempting to warm up. Mum stood up when we came in and gave me a hug

“I just can’t believe she’d do something like that” I whispered to her

“I know baby, I know” she stroked my hair

“I think I’m just going to go up to bed.” She nodded but then turned to face everyone

“We need to discuss sleeping arrangements. There’s an empty bedroom upstairs, I assume no one is ready to sleep in Lily’s room, there’s two single beds in there I though Louis and Harry would sleep in there and you girls can sleep down here on the couches?”

“Actually Mrs. Mitchell,” Lou interrupted. I could tell where he was going with this. It wasn’t going to be pretty, “Would it be all right if Juliette takes my spot upstairs and I sleep down here with Isabel. I need to be here for her right now.” My parents exchanged glances and my father opened his mouth to speak mum butted in before he could

“Sure Louis, I understand” If looks could kill my father would have Louis insides all over him. Louis thanked my mother than went with her to get blankets so we could sleep down here. I went into the kitchen to prepare dinner with Juliette. There was a slight awkward silence.

“So how’s living with Edgar?” Edgar was the boyfriend that had caused all the trouble between me and my sister

“It’s great, it’s weird not being the messy one anymore but we compliment each other. It’s getting pretty serious”

“ooh, how serious?”

“Well, don’t tell mum and dad yet but, he proposed a week ago” I squealed with delight. This was the happiest I’d felt since I found out lily was gone.

“Congradulations Julie!” I practically screamed squeezing her tightly in my arms.
“Shhhhh! Mum will hear! Here, look at the ring” she extended her hand revealing one of the most gorgeous rings I’d ever seen [x]

“Wow Julie, that must’ve cost a fortune! You’re so fucking lucky!” I whisper yelled. We both giggled before remembering Lily. This was one of the many things she’d miss out on, being at Julie’s wedding. I sighed and we returned to cooking.

Dinner was quite silent, everyone made small talk. No one was really brave enough to bring up the funeral or Lily while everyone was all together. Dad and Julie washed up while I took Harry upstairs to help him get settled in. We walked up the stairs and Harrys room was right there. I loved how out of proportion this property was, the house was tiny but the yard was huge. He glanced inside of the room then down the hall to the next door. It was Lily’s room. He walked towards it and opened the door. His reaction was similar to a child finding out santa isn’t real. I walked over to him and grabbed his hand. He took a step inside the room soaking in every aspect of it. Her bed was made, I doubt she had done that, Her elaborate collection of stuffed unicorns all on display on top of the dark green sheets. The wall behind her bed was plastered with posters of bands. Coldplay, The Black Keys and Kiss Chasey had all made the wall, but in the centre right above her bed head was a picture of One Direction. Harry and Liam were smiling straight at the camera, Lou and Niall were laughing to each other, Zayn was looking off into the distance being mysterious as always. It was a great photo of all the boys I could understand why she chose it. Her desk was scattered with loose pieces of paper and open text book. Everything seemed like she was still here. I couldn’t stand to be in here any longer, it was too hard. Harry had bent down his face in his hands. I bent over

“Hey Harry, it’s ok. Let’s just get out of here for now, you don’t need to see this” I tried my best to comfort him. I was never classified a shoulder to cry on but now I understood what he was going through I felt like I needed to comfort him. He wiped the tears out of his eyes and thanked me for taking him with us. We said goodnight and he headed into his bedroom. Downstairs Mum, Dad and Julie all said goodnight to me and I was left alone with Lou. He smiled at me. I’d missed his smile. He grabbed a blanket off the make-shift couch-bed and wrapped it around himself. He sat down on the ground in front of the fire. I smiled at him and went to cuddle up to him. He put his arm around me and kissed my forehead. We both watched the dying fire, the small vibrant flames dancing around clinging to anything that will still burn.

“Everything’s going to be ok Isabel” Lou said, his voice slightly shaky

“I know Lou, I know” we turned our heads towards each other and our lips met. It was a gentle kiss but it was just the way to say everything we couldn’t put into words.

LIKE IF YOU READ, PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK X

thanks :)